I am not shy

Most people when first meeting me think I am a quiet and shy. Little do they realize that I am just trying to figure out in my head if I am going to let them in my life. I’m trying to figure out if they are worthy of my time and energy, I’m not trying to be rude here but I cherish my time and energy and very few people make the cut of who gets a piece of it. I don’t make many friendships that you would call just an acquaintance, theĀ  friends that I have are few but our friendship is deep and unconditional.

The people that know me well have a hard time believing that I am an introvert when they are with me because I feel comfortable showing these people the real me and I am a very happy, outgoing and friendly person. They only remember that I am when they haven’t seen me in months because I have probably reverted to hermit mode because there was too much social interaction for me and I needed to recharge. I can only handle so much before I need to be alone in my home where I can relax and just chill out.

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It may surprise some of you that I am married to an extrovert, this makes for a very interesting marriage. One that is filled with debates about going out and how often we should. It’s a never ending discussion with us about who we should go out to dinner with, I say why not just the two of us, his response is that it’s always just the two of us, then I say not always. Again and again. It never gets to a point where we have shouting matches where we don’t talk for a couple days, we are always polite. He does get frustrated when he feels that he is making me go out, he says that there are times that he thinks I am only going along because I feel that I have to not that I want to. To a point that is true, there are times that I do want to go out and be social, the only problem is that those times do not come along very often so then when I do go out it’s as if I feel that this is what I should be doing.

To me there is nothing better than cancelled plans. Whenever I make a decision to go out I instantly regret it, then I will have some anxiety the days before the plans are set for but when I am there and even afterwards I have fun but then say in my head that I am not going out again. Sometimes I will plan to do nothing and if someone asks me to do something on that day that I planned to do nothing I get all bent out of shape that my day is now ruined because I would feel like an ass if I said no I can’t hang out because I have plans but I also don’t really want to hang out either and I know that I will not enjoy that lunch date or shopping time because I would rather have been doing nothing.

Well, I hope you all could relate a little to what I wrote about, hope that you all come back and read some more!

Thanks, Grace

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