Cravings

It is one of the craziest things that I just know the moment when I can’t be around people anymore. I could be around people all day and it’s like “click” no more, I need to go and be by myself. It’s like a light switch turning off and I need to get home as soon as possible and recharge. The longer I am around people the less I talk, in the beginning I talk non stop and as the day goes on I talk less and less, then at the end I just stop talking. Seriously, I just stop talking. I completely rely on my husband to carry on conversations, I just hug the people good bye and leave.

I don’t mind being around people as long as I know them but I feel so awkward around people that I don’t know very well or at all. Like in school, I never raised my hand to answer questions and I silently chanted in my head for the teacher not to call on me, whether I knew the answer or not, I never wanted to be called on. Even if I new one hundred percent what the answer was I always doubted if I really knew it and hoped that the teacher wouldn’t call on me so I wouldn’t make a fool of myself.

Around my friends and family, I can be my true self and not feel awkward but I still can only be around them for short periods of time. My brother and his family live in another state and we get to see them around usually around holidays and them some random other times during the year. They were just in town for Memorial Day and spent a week here, of course I spend as much time with them as I can because of my two nieces who are six and three that I love so much. On their last night here, right after dinner I had hit my wall, I had been over there that day since eleven in the morning and it was now eight at night, dinner was over, the girls were getting ready for bed and I was done. I just announced that I was going home and in less than five minutes my husband and I were in the car driving home. I couldn’t be social anymore, I needed to get home.

This happens all the time at parties, which I have a love/hate relationship with. I love going to parties until I am there than I just want to go home. I will say hello to everyone and participate in all the small chit chat that people do but after awhile you can find me sitting by myself. It doesn’t bother me in the least to sit alone at parties, I need to take a break before I “have” to start talking to people again. I’m sure this makes me look like I am not friendly but the people who know me understand and don’t take it personal and the people who don’t understand? Well, that’s their issue and not mine so I don’t worry about it.

Thanks guys for sticking around, I hope you come back!

Grace

 

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